being okay with not getting better

After almost four years of constant, nagging depression,

of crying out to the Lord for help,

of being under a doctor's care,

of seeing my once vibrant life get smaller and smaller,

of finding it harder and harder to keep trying,

I have decided that I need to be okay with not getting better.

I need to accept where God has placed me,

be thankful for who I am in Christ,

and do what I can to serve Him in many small ways

while waiting for the glories that await.

Yesterday I was confronted with this truth twice....

once in a quote on Facebook from John MacArthur,

and once in a chapter from the book of Ephesians by Martyn L. Jones

given to me by Bubba who mentors me through this abyss.

I will share both.

"Do you have the ability

to look beyond your present circumstances

 to the glorious realities awaiting you down the road?" 

John MacArthur

7:01 AM

"If we had but some small conception of the glory which awaits us, 

and to which we are going, 

it would transform our view of our life in this world 

and of the things that happen to us in this world."

Martyn Lloyd Jones

Handed to me at about 3:00 PM on the same day by my husband.

This was the truth I needed to hear yesterday.

God never fails to give me what I NEED.

I WANT to be done with depression forever.....

but I need to trust God in my current circumstances.

One day all of the troubles of this world will be lifted.

I will have shed all of my tears.

The weight of sin will be lifted 

and I will be free to be what He made me to be.

Until then...

well, chronic depression physically hurts,

it drains the life from you,

it takes away your joy.

Unless you've been there, there is no way you could possibly know.

I don't know who reads my blog...

I have been counseled to keep writing

 because it fosters thankfulness for all that God has given me.

 You can tell by reading that I am most richly blessed.

Writing this blog is one of my most favorite things.

& 

just so you know....

The joy of the Lord is my strength.

"Do not be grieved,

 for the joy of the Lord is your strength."

Nehemiah 8: 10:b