this time last year

It was today one year ago that I received my cancer diagnosis.

I remember it well.

A biopsy had been done.

Surreal.

Bubba went with me.

A completely new doctor.

Strange surroundings.

It was the physician's day to be in Pooler.

There had been an urgency.

I knew the results were not going to be good.

To hear them spoken was like a punch in the middle of my gut.

I knew but I didn't want to know.

I was hoping against all hope.

It didn't take long.

We were outside again quick as a wink.

I took several deep breaths.

The strangest thing was...

There was a Feed & Seed store behind the doctor's office.

Bubba suggested we go inside and browse around.

I hated being in that place so much.

It was suffocating.

I could not breathe.

To this day I do not know how we ended up in that store.

Today, on the anniversary, I saw my surgeon again.

He smiled when he saw me...

asked how I was doing.

I was afraid today.

I didn't tell anyone except  Bubba.

Maybe I keep remembering last year...

maybe it's just my propensity to worry.

The surgery, the radiation, the loss of my ability to taste and enjoy food.

Maybe the cancer has come back...WHAT IF!

The remembering and the not knowing.

This time the words were very different.

No sign of any cancer... you are doing so well.

Go, and have a wonderful Christmas.

Yes...best Christmas gift ever.

Here's a verse about fear that I love...

"There is no fear in love;

 but perfect love casts out fear,

because fear involves punishment, 

and the one who fears is not perfected in love.

We love because He first loved us."

1 John 4:18

God, help me to love You more...

so much that all of my fears disappear.

You love me perfectly.

Thank You for Jesus who shows us Your perfect love.

❤️