the place inside of me that hurts

Last post I shared an article about anxiety.

The author's words touched the place inside of me that hurts.

The part of me that I will never understand.

The part of me that has to depend on God to get through the next minute,

 because I alone could never get there.

The pain that started 40 years ago.

I have tried every earthly "fix" for this malady and all have failed miserably.

Interestingly enough, I seem to be getting worse instead of better.

I know Bubba's death and the recent move have exacerbated my suffering.

Probably old age is contributing too.

God in His mercy and kindness has given me an intellectual knowledge of Himself

 and a saving knowledge of His Son Jesus Christ.

 These two things are all I really need.

I cherish His gift of faith.

I live in His moment-to-moment covering of grace.

I love His word from which flows all truth.

I live because of Jesus!

I know that He intimately knows my heart.

He is acutely aware of the suffering that goes with my anxiety.

I say all of the above to say...

My Heavenly Father has not yet granted me mastery over my fears.

I wait for that.

I am very aware that victory may not come to me in this lifetime.

I may suffer just like this until the day I die.

Heaven is longed for.

There will be no fear in heaven.

I praise Him for all of the ways He gives me the strength to get through each new day...

getting in my car and driving,

going to the tag office,

making a phone call,

going to the doctor,

inviting a friend to my house for a visit.

All of these things cause an immense amount of fear.

Like the article implies...

none of these fears make an ounce of sense,

but they are very real to me.

As the picture above so beautifully portrays...

I "do the next thing" whatever it takes,

knowing God has me by my right hand.

He has me where I am.

He cares.

He leads and guides.

I am safe in Him.

He provides everything I need so that I,

 every once in a while,

 have days that feel like what I am guessing "normal" feels like.

I'm not ready to give up yet!

Side note...I love to write this blog.

Who knows how this comes out of the mess that I am.

It makes me happy.

❤️