swirling around

 Blogger.com won't let me load pictures this afternoon.

Maybe I'll write anyway.

It may not go well.

Writing without pictures seems useless to me.

I have arrived at the place in my journey of widowhood where I don't quite know what to do with myself.

I was in shock for quite a while and I didn't know it.

In shock, you move forward like a robot because you have lost your senses.

I got to a point around Christmas where I said to myself..."How did I get here so fast."

When we made the decision to sell the house and move, I went into overdrive.

I worked like a machine getting everything packed.

I worked from 4 am in the morning until I dropped into bed at night.

I never moved.

I woke up in exactly the same position in which I had fallen asleep.

For months.

Then I fell and broke my collarbone and that put an end to my "living in a frenzy" period.

Now I am all moved in and settled and...

I don't know what to do with myself.

Loneliness is my constant companion.

After living with your best friend and confidant for almost 50 years, 

there are no words to describe the loss.

I do things, I see people, I read, I walk, I shop for groceries, I text, I get gas, and take my trash to the dumpster and get my mail and tend to my geraniums and watch HGTV, but he is not here.

I'm swirling around in a vast sea of loneliness.

It was best not to have a picture for this post. There is no way to take a picture of loneliness.💧