how are you?

I get asked this question quite frequently...

"Cathy, how are you, no really, how are you doing?"

There is something about Bubba's sudden death that is incredulous to my human mind.

Being "gone in the twinkling of an eye" 

is hard to fathom here on this earth

 where we do everything we can possibly do to stay alive.

One minute he was here and the next he was gone...

off into eternity,

leaving behind everything he owned,

even me.

There is nothing to prepare you for this kind of leavetaking;

 nothing, nothing at all.

The question, "How are you" is so hard for me to answer.

In some ways I would say I'm doing fine.

I'm getting up every morning,

I'm eating and sleeping,

I'm doing my chores.

I'm interacting with people and working in the yard, and organizing things and cleaning.

I'm making plans and getting my finances in order and ordering my new life.

But,

this is the true state of Cathy right now;

I am broken in a place where I can't be fixed.

I want to go somewhere and have someone set what is snapped in two so that it can heal.

But there is no place to go, no place that can fix this painful wound.

It is a place that will eventually begin to heal,

but it will never be back like it was.

Bubba is gone from me for the rest of my earthly life and he is not coming back.

The good news is my faith sustains me.

I do not lament and grieve as one who has no hope.

My hope is in the resurrection of Jesus Christ and in His word.

Praise God for the verse pictured above...

The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit."

 Psalm 34:18

So...

Cathy, How are You?

I am brokenhearted and crushed in spirit, 

but God is near to me and He saves me in my brokenness.

The part of me that is broken can only be healed by my Lord.

He is working on me now.

He is bringing healing to my broken heart and my crushed spirit.

He will make it hurt less and less in the days to come.

God is my only hope, my fortress, the one I run to when the pain is too much to bear.

In His presence, 

the agony of grief is replaced by His comfort and His peace.

❤️

*The note pictured above was stuck in this big pot of red and yellow Gerber daisies that are now planted in my backyard. 

They were a part of the amazing gift train that visited my home on our 50th Anniversary. 

The love and constant care lavished on me by all of you since Bubba's death...

the cards, and texts and flowers,

the meals and phone calls and emails, 

the donations to Hope Bible Church,

 the Gideon Bibles donated in Bubba's memory,

your thoughts and prayers and offers to help,

every word of sympathy and encouragement that was posted on Facebook,

all of these things are gifts from God to nourish and refresh my soul.

God has used His people to comfort me in ways I would never have been able to conceive of.

Thank you all! 

"To God be the Glory great things He has done."