5 months in...

It's been five months since Bubba died.

There is only one way to describe what happened to me...

Upheaval.

An upheaval is a violent or sudden change or disruption to something.

My life as I had always known it changed suddenly in the blink of an eye.

I would love to tell you readers that I have handled this upheaval beautifully.

I would be lying.

The days and nights pass.

Some are better than others.

Yesterday the depression was dreadful.

I couldn't sleep last night.

I very frequently stop and think,

"something's just not right."

And yes,

Nothing has been just right since that day.

Bubba left me things to read.

Often he would run off a chapter in a book that he was reading.

Many times I set them aside to read later.

Well, now is later.

I struggle with fear and anxiety.

I call it my "besetting sin."

Now that I live alone and have to be responsible for most everything, it has gotten worse.

I am sharing my heart here in hopes to help someone else who struggles as I do.

I was sitting in my favorite chair in my sun-filled beach room yesterday.

I was reading from a page that Bubba left me.

I came across this verse.

I had read it 100 times before.

But this time it hit me like a thunderbolt.

"For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and love and a sound mind."

II Timothy 1:7

I've been meditating on this verse in the hours since I read it.

If God hasn't given us a spirit of fear, then fear has to come as a temptation from Satan,

our enemy.

Fear steals joy,

Fear is a destroyer.

Fear cripples the spirit.

On the other hand,

What HAS God given us?

God has given us power ~ His Spirit dwells in us.

He has given us love ~ He sent Jesus to die for us,

He has given us a sound mind ~ a mind filled with His word.

Fear is a sin!

I need to repent of this gross sin and believe the truth.

Keep reminding me of this truth through Your word O my God.

Thank you, Bubba for leaving me things to read that are just what I need right now!

I feel you close.

I can't see you but I know you are there.

The flowers pictured above are steps from my back door.

God fills my life with truth and beauty.

❤️