one more day

It's been close to 16 months since Bubba left me.

It still seems surreal.

I've said this before, nothing prepares you for the loss of your spouse.

I think that having one more day with Bubba would be hard.

I would have to go through the grief of losing him all over again.

I've come so far,

but if I could have one more day with him,

I would spend it getting him to tell me all he knows about heaven.

That would be a marvelous day, wouldn't it?

I would love to show him the house I am building.

I want to tell him about the ridiculousness of the police pulling me over.

He would be shocked.

He would tell me how sorry he was for what I had to go through.

Then he would make it all right.

Now I have to fight these kinds of battles by myself.

I want to tell him about Hope Bible Church,

how much it's grown,

how lovely the fellowship is,

the music, 

dear friends,

what's going on in everybody's life.

I want to tell him that David is preaching through the gospel of John,

about how it has blessed me and brought healing to my heart.

I want him to know that I dug out his JC Ryle commentaries on the book of John,

and how I can't wait to get to studying every morning.

I want to tell him about everything God has taught me since he left.

I wish that he could have been at our family dinner last night.

I want to hear him rave about my potato salad and comment that it's the best he's ever tasted.

I want him to see how much our grandkids have grown and changed.

I want him to sit by the pool with us and watch them swim.

He would be shocked to know that our Lu is learning to drive.

I want him to be with us when we go to visit Amanda and Mark and Jake and Eli

because we are just not complete without him.

There is always an empty seat at the table and in the van.

I want him to discuss an article that I read on Lucianne this morning.

I want him to tell me that our country is going to survive this madness.

I want him to know that God and our children and grandchildren are taking such good care of me.