a tiny sliver of light

These words came very early this morning.

I had to act quickly

as they flowed out of somewhere within me.

I wrote them down on two tiny pieces of paper.

Here they are...

Grief, for me, was a sudden plummet into a deep, dark place;

a place I had never been before.

Once I arrived there I stayed a while....

not because I wanted to but because I had to.

I didn't have the will or the energy to leave right away.

I was stunned at the horror of my despair.

At some point,

 I saw a tiny sliver of light shining above me and started climbing toward it.

That's where I am now,

Climbing toward the light.

That light is God's grace and mercy and I slowly started moving toward it.

Actually, God's presence never abandoned me.

He was with me all along,

but somehow He seemed far off, kinda like He HAD abandoned me,

but He would never do that because of His promise...

"I will NEVER leave you or forsake you."

I climb and then I fall back,

I try again,

 and at some point fall headlong back into the pit once more.

But now I recognize that pit of despair and realize that I don't have to stay there.

There is something better where the light is.

There is light and love and laughter and it is alright to be happy again.

Bubba would so much want that for me.

So I will climb and fall back until the climbing happens more than the falling back.

That tiny sliver of light will become brighter and stronger and draw me to the land of the living

and I'll be there until the Lord sees fit to take me home to heaven.

@livinginthelight

"Jesus said, I am the light of the world, 

he who follows me will not walk in the darkness,

 but will have the Light of life." 

John 8:12