fighting fear to get here

I used to hop into my car and drive to Lenox Mall in Atlanta without batting an eye.

Now, getting in the car and driving to the grocery store scares me to death.

The fact that I drove myself to downtown Savannah yesterday to the Veritas last day of school presentation constituted a major accomplishment on my part.

I had, the night before, after much soul-searching, decided not to go.

"I can't do it," I told myself.

Case closed.

After making that decision, David texted...

"Mom, are you going to the concert in the morning?"

"Walter wants you to hear him sing his song."

Without hesitation, I texted back, "YES."

Okay, now I have to go. 😓

It wasn't easy.

I made my way safely to the school.

fought the myriads of cars and horse-drawn carriages,

navigated the side streets looking for a place to park,

stopped for countless pedestrians walking out into the street without looking,

and, mercifully, slid easily into a perfect parking place.

I remained calm while figuring out the "PAY TO PARK" machine,

Walked carefully to the school,

and thankfully lowered myself in the pew to await the music.

Thank you Jesus for using Walter to give me the courage to go.

2020 -2021 was a unique school year with much to celebrate.  

I was so glad to be there.

@ a little boy who helped his Grammie overcome her fear.

 

swirling around

 Blogger.com won't let me load pictures this afternoon.

Maybe I'll write anyway.

It may not go well.

Writing without pictures seems useless to me.

I have arrived at the place in my journey of widowhood where I don't quite know what to do with myself.

I was in shock for quite a while and I didn't know it.

In shock, you move forward like a robot because you have lost your senses.

I got to a point around Christmas where I said to myself..."How did I get here so fast."

When we made the decision to sell the house and move, I went into overdrive.

I worked like a machine getting everything packed.

I worked from 4 am in the morning until I dropped into bed at night.

I never moved.

I woke up in exactly the same position in which I had fallen asleep.

For months.

Then I fell and broke my collarbone and that put an end to my "living in a frenzy" period.

Now I am all moved in and settled and...

I don't know what to do with myself.

Loneliness is my constant companion.

After living with your best friend and confidant for almost 50 years, 

there are no words to describe the loss.

I do things, I see people, I read, I walk, I shop for groceries, I text, I get gas, and take my trash to the dumpster and get my mail and tend to my geraniums and watch HGTV, but he is not here.

I'm swirling around in a vast sea of loneliness.

It was best not to have a picture for this post. There is no way to take a picture of loneliness.💧

let it go

This made me laugh this morning.

All of the "stuff" that you collect over a lifetime may be priceless to you,

but, believe me, your children don't want it.

Might as well give it away and be done with it.

I rode by my house this afternoon.

First time since last week.

I found that the whole foundation had been covered in plastic.

I wasn't expecting this scenario.

I keep hoping for a firm foundation.

Maybe tomorrow?

We'll see.

In the meantime, I think I'll get rid of some more of my "stuff."

I started the purge when I moved in March.

It kinda feels good to let it go.

 

first pool party...

...at Grammy's new apartment.

Even though the water was freezing thanks to the unseasonably cool spring we have had,

the five were ready to dive in.

We got Jersey Mike subs for dinner.

I bought two bags of chips and some brownies from Baker's Pride

and we had ourselves a party.

We thought of granddaddy a lot since it was his birthday.

House update...

This shows you how much I know about construction...

I thought the next step was to be the cement foundation.

Actually, the plumbing came next.

Who in their right mind would think that the cement would be poured before the plumbing was put in?

Anyway,

the house now has all it needs to provide water and waste removal and all those necessary things.

Maybe next week I will get my firm foundation.

I am buried under a ton of paperwork.

I have never had to fill out so many forms in my life.

It is all paying off!

I am getting it done!

Who would have thought?

📝

 

happy birthday my love...

...you were my north star!

⭐

You made everything better!

You taught me so much!

I will always love you!

I wonder if there is a celebration in heaven for the day we arrive in that glorious place.

A day that we mark and always remember when we first saw Jesus.

A day that we celebrate forever.

Finally home!

❤️

 

 

sweet sixteen

Jake turns sixteen today.

I cannot believe the years have passed so quickly.

This song brings back so many memories for me.

It was one of my favorite songs when I was a teenager.

In honor of Jake, I share it here.

"You've turned into the handsomest boy I've ever seen!

Happy Birthday Sweet Sixteen"

When you were only six...

I know Neil Sedaka sang this song to a girl but I couldn't resist.

Precious memories.

Happy Birthday ~ Sweet Sixteen!

You are the best!

I love you,

Gram

💙

 

these kitties...

My Lu is fostering kitties.

These two adorables will be nurtured for three weeks until they can fend for themselves.

They will then be given back to the Humane Society to be placed in forever homes.

Peaches and Kiwi,

(Peaches is the one with the peach-colored spot on his face),

join Daisy the dog, Dodger Smalls, and Red Smith in the Cleland home.

Erika has decreed that they are now maxed out on pets.

 I can only imagine!

(five kids ~ five pets)

🐕🐈🐈🐈🐈

I am just back from the beach.

I had to get our condo put in my name.

This was the last big transaction I had to make.

The song below is totally secular.

I heard it early this morning while I was looking at my Instagram.

I have no idea what the songwriter had in mind when he penned these lyrics.

For me, I saw myself...

a new widow of just over a year,

 learning to live again in a strange new world.

Yes,

I'm Learning to Fly but I Ain't Got Wings.

 

sure signs of progress

I decided to ride by to check on my house this morning on the way to church.

It's looking promising for work to begin.

They posted my building permits on a pole by the street.

This seems very official, 

like y'all, 

it's really happening.

Clearly, I am NOT in a flood zone.

I think this must be the electrical box 

from which they will power all of the tools needed to cut and saw and screw and hammer

a house for me to live in.

🔨

Also, there has been lots of moving around of the sand for the foundation.

It seems as if it has increased by leaps and bounds since they first put it down.

There are now mounds of sand surrounding the foundation.

I am guessing it settles and they need to add more, level, and then add another layer.

I'm still waiting excitedly for the firm foundation.

⛰⛰⛰⛰⛰⛰⛰

This is probably the most exciting piece of news I became privy to this morning.

I have a neighbor.

Someone has bought the other side of my duplex,

Who could it be?

I hope they are nice.

I'll start praying for them immediately.

Lastly,

a porta-potty was delivered.

This is a sure sign that people will be working all day long on my house.

I'm building a new house.

I can't believe it!

I'm going to use way too much gas driving by incessantly to watch the progress.

 

one more thought on mothers

I love this quote by Elisabeth Elliot.

A woman,

quietly raising her babies to serve the Lord and love Him,

 is the most important job in this world.

If we do nothing else,

 this is enough.

❤️

My Mom and me on top of the Empire State Building in New York City in 1955.

We got around.

👀

 

jake

I blinked and he was a man.

Grown-up and handsome.

Getting ready to turn 16.

He was on his way to a night on the town with his friends last Friday night,

in a limo,

in a suit and tie,

hair slicked back,

with a genuine smile on his face.

He face-timed me Monday morning to tell me all about the big night.

He has a tender heart and a sweet spirit.

Our first-born grandson.

I ❤️ him so much.

"Grandchildren are the crown of old age."

Proverbs 17:6

👑

 

a girl can't have too many flowers

My sweetheart grandkids brought Mother's Day flowers to me at church this past Sunday.

I ❤️ flowers,

They melt my heart and make me happy.

Just to look at them in my home brings a special kind of joy.

I got not one, but two bouquets,

A big and a baby.

Literally, a girl cannot have too many flowers.

I had such a Happy Mother's Day!

 

happy mother's day

It all started right here.

Becoming a mother was one of the greatest things that ever happened to me...

this gift of a tiny life that God gave to Bubba and me to raise up for Him.

I had no idea of all of the joys that lay ahead.

To this very moment,

 I am grateful beyond comprehension for the children God entrusted to us.

I will spend eternity enjoying the fruit of this great honor.

Thank You, God,

 that You chose me to be Bubba's wife and David and Amanda's mom.

Thank You that I have lived to see our children's children growing up in You.

Thank You that Bubba is there in heaven with You waiting for all of us.

My life has been richly blessed by the Lord.

Thank You!

❤️

 

Hey Bubba...

...this popped up in my memories early this morning.

It is one of my favorite pictures of "us."

When I think of you now,

 it is usually in the context of some wonderful place we went together.

I go way back and remember tiny details of all of the ways you made me feel special and loved.

I am so thankful for all of the memories we made.

Thankful for the pictures to remind me of the good times we had.

You are so missed.

💕

*our babies weren't twins but we did have one boy and one girl.

👦👧

                                                                                 

 

updates

 Update # 1...

Amanda left yesterday morning.

We had such a good time!

On Wednesday evening we went to the Plant Riverside District on River Street.

Plant Riverside is Savannah's newest entertainment area.

David and Erika joined us.

I had been wanting to go check it out.

It didn't disappoint.

We had dinner outside, right by the river, at the District Smokehouse Barbeque Restaurant.

It was so nice. 

While we were dining a huge, fully loaded container ship slipped by.

Such an awesome sight!

We got milkshakes on the way home.

I drink them frequently to keep from losing too much weight.

🚢

Update # 2

🏡

My hew home is moving right along.

The sand for the foundation has been neatly spread and leveled.

It shouldn't be too much longer before I have a firm foundation to stand on.

I don't know what is going to happen with the lumber shortage.

Yes, I am aware of that.

The builder has not mentioned anything to me about a problem.

I guess I'll soon find out if the framing doesn't happen.

It was a wonderful week filled with my favorite people.

Today the weather is cool and the windows are open and the breezes are blowing through my home.

My blessings are too numerous to count.

All of my thanks go to God for His amazing grace.

 ❤️

 

amanda's here...

...all is well!

We were shopping for new sunglasses this morning,

but neither of us bought any.

I think I need aviators.

She was going for the "really large frame" look.

Things are so, so good when she is here.

I am so thankful for these few days.

😎

 

walter turns six

They just keep coming.

Never seen so many birthdays!

Walter was 4 when Bubba left us.

Now he is six.

This one is smart as a whip.

Nothing gets past him.

He is as bored as a gourd in kindergarten.

He is a challenge to his teacher, but she loves him with a passion.

He's that kind of little guy.

I made him a sour cream pound cake with lemon glaze for his birthday dessert.

Walter loves to eat.

 He eats fast.

He doesn't realize when he is full because he eats so quickly.

We have to limit him!

He eats everything with gusto!

By the time he blew out the candles,

he had lost it.

That happens sometimes when he has an exciting day.

His quest for life exhausts him.

I couldn't get him to smile or for that matter,

even look at the camera.

That's okay.

I feel like that too sometimes at the end of a long day.

I ❤️ U Walt.

You are the best!

Grammy

 

she waited and waited and then...

...all of a sudden,

her house has begun.

April 30, 2021.

Erika and some kids and a dog rode by yesterday and saw the above.

No more empty lot.

The house has been laid out and the foundation will come soon.

These kids are standing in what soon will be my house.

They were the first to see the start!

My tiny neighborhood has only one street.

I will be living on Hope Lane.

The name was what made me believe that this is where I should live.

This view is right across the street.

The Herb River.

It was high tide this morning.

This is why I've always loved Savannah...

the marsh, the rivers, the beach, the palm trees.

Thank You, God, for this blessing.

I never would have thought I would be watching my new home being built at my age.

I'm going to enjoy this journey.

🏡