hey bubba...

This post will be short (I think).

I really never know how many words will pour out until I start writing.

You died two years ago.

You didn't die on February 28th.

You actually died on the 29th of February,

 but it will be two more years before the actual date rolls around again,

therefore, I will remember you today.

(as if I could ever forget the life we had together)

My heart is still broken.

My whole life changed when you left me.

So much is different now,

but, in the place that matters most...

my heart of hearts, 

I am still devastated and just a little, or maybe a lot, off-center of normal.

I'm still driving your old van though.

I call it "my tank."

I really love not having a car payment.

As per us, I will probably drive it till it falls apart.

When you died Bubba, I was hurtled onto a fast track to Jesus.

For the first time in my life,

 He became my heart's desire and the One who has my back.

I have learned and grown in Him in ways not possible when I had you as my beloved companion.

Now, instead of asking you "What should I do?" I ask Jesus.

Here I am...a survivor.

I am living alone but totally dependent on my God to see me through the rest of my life.

I am strong but weak in my own devices.

I stay in God's word because that is where all truth is.

(we learned that together, didn't we?)

I depend on the Holy Spirit to lead, guide, teach, comfort, and help me in all situations.

I love my people fiercely because they are the ones that love me and take care of all my worldly needs.

When I turn out the light at night I am not afraid because God is with me.

We finished studying through the sixteenth chapter of John's gospel recently at

Hope Bible Church.

Jesus spoke these words in the last verse...

"These things I have spoken to you, that in me you may have peace.

In the world you have tribulation,

but take courage; 

I have overcome the world."

John 16:33

I have had much tribulation since you've been gone dear one.

But one day soon there will be no more sorrow and death and tears.

I long for that day!

Can't wait to see you again Bubba!

I know I will!

Love you always and forever!

Cathy

💙

(This didn't end up being short)