Meredith Andrews "Not for A Moment" (Lyric Video)

who am i without you?

It has been half a year since Bubba left me.

Six months ago today,

182 days.

I've lived an eternity since that last day in February.

Jesus and our family have carried me through.

The picture was taken seven years ago in August,

right after we moved into our new home.

One thing I have learned living in the valley of the shadow of death

 is how well Bubba provided for me. 

I have everything I need.

He made sure that I will be well taken care of, nourished, and able to live comfortably.

He loved me so well!

Now I am trying to determine who I am without my husband.

A wife was my central roll.

I operated as one half of a whole for almost 50 years.

He was there for me and I was there for him.

Now I live alone.

Yes, I am still a mom and a grammy.

I am a sister and an aunt and a friend.

I love each one of these roles.

But what exactly is my highest calling in my new role as a widow?

I believe I see myself now mostly as a child of God,

a believer who is being called to a deeper and more satisfying walk with my Saviour.

I am drawn to His word and I am compelled to pray.

I am in desperate need of His perfect wisdom and guidance.

 His love, His grace, His mercy.

His strength and the power of His Spirit.

His watchfulness and His protection.

In the last months of Bubba's life,

 he did so much to prepare me spiritually for his death.

Neither of us knew his time here would end so quickly, but God did.

I was equipped with the spiritual tools I needed to cope,

the ability to see God at work in my heart in the midst of great grief and sorrow.

I feel I am called to go deeper and learn more.

"A father of the fatherless,

 a defender of widows, 

Is God in His holy habitation."

Psalm 68:5

I love this!

God is now my defender.

❤️

 

affliction

"Affliction brings out graces that cannot be seen in times of health.

It is the treading of the grapes that brings out the sweet juices of the vine; 

so it is affliction that draws forth submission,

 weandedness from the world,

 and complete rest in God. 

Use afflictions while you have them." 

Robert Murray McCheyne

❤️

I'm sharing these words today because they speak volumes to my soul.

As we walk through the storms of life,

and we all do,

there comes a time, hopefully. when we can begin to see them shaping our lives.

There is a bigger picture...

God is doing something monumental, huge, through our afflictions.

He is fitting us for eternity.

He is making us and molding us in His image.

He is enabling us to see things from His perspective.

He is causing us to seek Him, to trust Him, to know Him, to love Him.

O Spirit of God,

 help us not to miss the opportunities that You give us to draw closer to You!

 

what's on your bedside table?

It's Monday.

The air outside is heavy as lead.

We are getting some of that tropical moisture from over there in the Gulf of Mexico.

The storms are named Marco and Laura.

Lots of thunder and dark, heavy clouds here kicking up a fuss.

I love storms like this!!

It is Monday Work Day for me.

Every Monday I set about to clean my house.

I wash my clothes and my bedsheets and vacuum and dust.

I clean the bathrooms and the kitchen.

I make everything shine!

I always look forward to climbing into bed on Monday night.

Easing into those crisp, clean, white linens is a delight.

There is not much better than that.!

So, what's on your bedside table?

I have a lovely white lamp with a warm lightbulb that makes the area glow softly.

My baby picture...Bubba's baby picture is on his side.

A picture of us...He has my back!

A china plate handpainted with pink dogwoods given to me by my Aunt Althea, my Mom's sister.

A recently acquired sign reminding me to be HAPPY.

(Sometimes I feel sad and need to be reminded.)

The book that I'm reading is Safely Home by Randy Alcorn.

(I'm still reading about Heaven.)

Can't get enough!

A Flashlight.

I rounded up 17 of them after Bubba left me.

I never cared about flashlights before.

But now I just might need it.

And...

My defense mechanism is a can of wasp spray.

The spray goes out for 20 feet and temporarily blinds the intruder.

Not that I could actually hit the intruder with the wasp spray,

but having it makes me feel a little safer.

I am not afraid to be here alone. 

Every night just before I turn out that beautiful light, 

I say a prayer and ask God to watch over me.

 I know He will and I go right to sleep.

"He who keeps you will not slumber."

Psalm 121:3

 

grandboys will do...

...what grandboys do.

It took me a while to figure this out.

When I first saw this scenario in my front yard I thought...

"What in the world."

"Have the rioters been to my house to leave me a message?"

"What should I do?"

"Should I call the police?"

"Should I report this blatant show of weaponry?"

I did not move or destroy the evidence.

Later that afternoon, Amanda arrived from Florida.

She thought I had left my hand-held hedge clippers stuck in the bush I was trimming.

We decided to investigate.

Harry, the one with the dreamy eyes,

the climber, 

David's oldest boy,

arrayed these for me as some kind of sign.

I have yet to figure out the hidden, intrinsic message,

but I WAS glad to have my questions answered about evil intentions.

Harry can do no wrong.

He melts my heart with just a glance.

Speaking of harrowing experiences.

I had my Pet Scan this past week.

For those who don't know, a pet scan is a full body scan to look for cancer cells that may be lurking.

I am 2 1/2 years post-radiation to treat a cancer on my tongue.

I had to be injected with a very low does of radioactive isotopes.

After sitting still and quiet for an hour, a ten-minute scan of my whole body ensues.

This test is scary.

I failed miserly in my attempt to not be afraid of what the test would reveal.

I am ashamed of how scared I was when I finally got to the doctor's office. 

Of course, there was a snafu!

Doctor enters office and asks how I am.

I say "I am good" which was a bald-faced lie.

I was not okay...I was scared to death.

Quickly the doctor said,

"Your test results were all good."

"Congratulations."

I shot sky-high, got a huge smile on my face, and said a heart-felt thank you to my God.

Then the doctor said, 

"Oh no!"

I'm reading last year's test.

My insides dropped.

I had been falsely informed.

Of course, I thought the worst...

Bad news coming now.

But...

Ya'll, my test results for THIS YEAR were perfect.

No cancer in my body.

I am so thankful!

But, those were some harrowing moments.

I went from way up to way down in a few seconds.

I will keep working on not being afraid because God says in His word to be

"Anxious for nothing."

I failed miserably, but He has forgiven me.

Thanking Him today for His amazing grace.

I don't deserve it, 

but He gives freely from His vast storehouse of love and mercy.

Thank you for Jesus who died on the cross for our sins.

i'ts the little things

A beach scented candle from my Lu.

Hydrangeas from Bubba's garden.

A text from anybody!!!

An episode of HGTV's Fixer Upper that I haven't seen before.

French vanilla coffee brewing in my percolator early in the morning.

A freshly mown lawn that looks like an outdoor carpet.

Erika's homemade bread.

A call from Amanda.

A cinnamon crunch bagel from Panera.

My geraniums.

My bed with fresh white linens.

A good book.

The smell of the beach.

An afternoon thunderstorm.

David assuring me that I'm gonna be alright.

Hearing from a friend.

Rain when the sun is out making a rainbow.

Jake sending pictures of Sirius Black.

A card/note in the mail.

A good night's sleep.

A real-life, actual, direct answer to prayer. (HUGE)

So much to be thankful for!

And lastly,

How to blow out birthday candles during COVID 19.

Happy Birthday to Erika!

Atlantic Beach Pie made from scratch by me.

☆This time the new blogger worked perfectly.

 

early morning sky

Yesterday.

The morning sky.

I saw it when I first got up.

It took my early morning breath away.

The moon and the planet Venus were putting on a show.

God placed them there you know...He sustains all that He created.

❤️

I'm going through a rough spot.

I can't tell whether is it sadness or anxiety or a little bit of both.

I'm working on both.

I'm staying in God's word.

I'm praying and meditating on things that are good.

↡

                                 "Whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is right,

                              whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is of good repute,

                                    if there is any excellence and if anything worthy of praise,

                                                    let your mind dwell on these things.

                                                                       Philippians 4:8

That's easier said than done.

But it's worth doing because God promises in the next verse that...

"The God of peace shall be with you."

I'm praying for peace in my heart.

God knows how weak and heavy laden I am right now but He is faithful to keep His promises.

I'm still working on writing on the new blogger.

Some days my post turns out perfect.

Some days, like today, it has a mind of its own.

I've decided not to strive with it.

Maybe it will eventually adapt to my style of writing or maybe I'll have to adapt...

We'll see!

☆My friend came to mow my lawn this morning.

    It looks so lush.

    I will work out back in a little while,

    Maybe it will rain...I hope so.

    David and some boys came to change all of the batteries in my smoke detectors.

    I have eight of those.

    I was worried about what I would do if they went off during the night.

    I just couldn't see myself waking from a deep sleep and getting on a tall ladder not knowing         what I was doing.

    I am richly blessed and oh so thankful for all of these blessings. ❤️

"built upon the sand"

We found this sandcastle abandoned on the beach last week while we were taking our evening walk.

A very intricate and precise design as castles go.

Somebody's dream home.

We stood and marveled a bit,

I took this picture,

we moved on.

The tide was on its way in.

At Hilton Head beach there is a great disparity between high tide and low tide.

At low tide, the beach goes on forever,

there is room for everybody to spread out.

Lots of room exists for you to set up a large camp with all your stuff.

There is a known truth about the tides at the beach though.

What goes out comes in again.

Anything left on the beach will be destroyed by the force of the water rushing back.

The next morning the beautiful castle was gone,

washed away without a trace.

We couldn't even remember just where it had been.

This sandcastle reminds me of these familiar verses in God's word.

"Therefore everyone who hears these words of Mine

 and acts upon them,

 may be compared to a wise man who built his house upon the rock.

 And the rain descended, and the floods came, and the winds blew, and burst against that house; 

and yet it did not fall, for it had been founded on the rock. 

And everyone who hears these words of Mine, 

and does not act upon them, 

will be like a foolish man who built his house upon the sand. 

And the rain descended, and the floods came, and the winds blew, and burst against that house; 

and it fell,

 and great was its fall."

Matthew 7: 24~27

Jesus is teaching here about the importance of His word.

When we hear God's word and believe what it says and are obedient to it, 

we are compared to a wise man who constructed his house on a rock.

When the storm came,

 that house stood because it was built on a firm foundation.

The house that was built upon the sand by the foolish man did not withstand the storm.

It was washed away like the beautiful sandcastle above.

What Jesus is telling us here is a very simple truth,

If we base our life on anything other than the truth of His word we will not be able to stand.

We will crumble under pressure.

We will be washed away when the storms of life come our way.

Let us be wise and not foolish.

In this sinful world that is filled with chaos, there is truth and absolute stability.

Read the Bible, Know the Bible, Live the Bible.

 

summer at hilton head island

When I finally got around to calling about renting two chairs and an umbrella,

the cheery voice on the other end of the phone said,

"We are all sold out."

(I think this had to do with "social distancing.")

This meant we had to haul chairs and umbrellas to the beach and set them up ourselves...

never an easy task!

But we persevered and here is our camp.

I cannot tell you how many times the umbrellas uprooted and went flying down the beach.

My seat is the watermelon one.

It was easier to get into than out of.

Harry dug a huge hole.

He worked on it all day.

It was magnificent!

He stopped one time to come show me a huge blister on his hand from all of the digging.

It didn't stop him though.

Gus and Walter built a sandcastle.

Isn't it wonderful that one little boy from Ethiopia and one from China can end up being brothers!

The boys with their boogie boards.

Hours of fun riding the waves in to the shore.

Headed to the beach early in the morning.

Not a care in the world! 

Everybody helps carry their load.

So thankful for this time with my family at the beach.

I ❤️ the beach!

testing 1 2 3

This is a test.I am working on the new blogger.I can't get it to single space.Gotta get some help with this.

😕I had no idea that Cathy's Clown was # 2 in 1960. I was only 12 years old.                                                       I strongly dislike wearing a mask.

                                      😷

i've got your back

This picture popped up in my Facebook memories this morning.

I think we were down at our condo...

probably watching the dolphins playing in the ocean.

Needless to say, it took my breath away.

I am just back from Hilton Head.

David and his family invited me to vacation with them this year. 

We had a beautiful villa in Palmetto Dunes.

It was just what I needed and just where I wanted to be.

We had a lovely time.

Hilton Head had always been a favorite for Bubba and me.

It just always feels like home.

I grew up going there and we raised our family there every summer.

Our last trip was for a week last September.

To go back was one of those endless "firsts" that have to happen after your spouse of almost fifty years is no longer with you.

It was bittersweet.

I enjoyed every minute, but the sadness was there.

I am thankful that I got to go spend some time on the beach...

my happiest of places.

I loved being with my family.

The ocean and the sand and the sun lured me in.

I basked in the glow of it all.

I will share some pics, maybe tomorrow.

I'm thinking of going back to Hilton Head alone in September for a week, maybe two.

I have to have my cancer scans done in a few days.

If those turn out good, I may just go and let the beach work it's wonders on me for a while.

We'll see.

trying something new

I am making my first attempt to use the new blogger update. 

This is my initial test run.

Now to navigate all that I need to make this work.

I have until August 24th to figure it out.

Then the old blogger interface goes completely away.

I love the poster above about reading and I love to tell my stories.

I hope to continue doing both.

Sometimes change is hard for me.

But change is good too.

I need to try new things ~   to figure things out.

I feel like I depended on Bubba for so much and now it's up to me.

So many of you commented on my previous blog which I posted on Facebook.

 I appreciate all of your words of encouragement.

To think that even one person reads and is touched is such a blessing for me.

So here goes...I'm hitting the publish button.

To blogging forever!

Cathy

5 months in...

It's been five months since Bubba died.

There is only one way to describe what happened to me...

Upheaval.

An upheaval is a violent or sudden change or disruption to something.

My life as I had always known it changed suddenly in the blink of an eye.

I would love to tell you readers that I have handled this upheaval beautifully.

I would be lying.

The days and nights pass.

Some are better than others.

Yesterday the depression was dreadful.

I couldn't sleep last night.

I very frequently stop and think,

"something's just not right."

And yes,

Nothing has been just right since that day.

Bubba left me things to read.

Often he would run off a chapter in a book that he was reading.

Many times I set them aside to read later.

Well, now is later.

I struggle with fear and anxiety.

I call it my "besetting sin."

Now that I live alone and have to be responsible for most everything, it has gotten worse.

I am sharing my heart here in hopes to help someone else who struggles as I do.

I was sitting in my favorite chair in my sun-filled beach room yesterday.

I was reading from a page that Bubba left me.

I came across this verse.

I had read it 100 times before.

But this time it hit me like a thunderbolt.

"For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and love and a sound mind."

II Timothy 1:7

I've been meditating on this verse in the hours since I read it.

If God hasn't given us a spirit of fear, then fear has to come as a temptation from Satan,

our enemy.

Fear steals joy,

Fear is a destroyer.

Fear cripples the spirit.

On the other hand,

What HAS God given us?

God has given us power ~ His Spirit dwells in us.

He has given us love ~ He sent Jesus to die for us,

He has given us a sound mind ~ a mind filled with His word.

Fear is a sin!

I need to repent of this gross sin and believe the truth.

Keep reminding me of this truth through Your word O my God.

Thank you, Bubba for leaving me things to read that are just what I need right now!

I feel you close.

I can't see you but I know you are there.

The flowers pictured above are steps from my back door.

God fills my life with truth and beauty.

❤️