who am i without you?

It has been half a year since Bubba left me.

Six months ago today,

182 days.

I've lived an eternity since that last day in February.

Jesus and our family have carried me through.

The picture was taken seven years ago in August,

right after we moved into our new home.

One thing I have learned living in the valley of the shadow of death

 is how well Bubba provided for me. 

I have everything I need.

He made sure that I will be well taken care of, nourished, and able to live comfortably.

He loved me so well!

Now I am trying to determine who I am without my husband.

A wife was my central roll.

I operated as one half of a whole for almost 50 years.

He was there for me and I was there for him.

Now I live alone.

Yes, I am still a mom and a grammy.

I am a sister and an aunt and a friend.

I love each one of these roles.

But what exactly is my highest calling in my new role as a widow?

I believe I see myself now mostly as a child of God,

a believer who is being called to a deeper and more satisfying walk with my Saviour.

I am drawn to His word and I am compelled to pray.

I am in desperate need of His perfect wisdom and guidance.

 His love, His grace, His mercy.

His strength and the power of His Spirit.

His watchfulness and His protection.

In the last months of Bubba's life,

 he did so much to prepare me spiritually for his death.

Neither of us knew his time here would end so quickly, but God did.

I was equipped with the spiritual tools I needed to cope,

the ability to see God at work in my heart in the midst of great grief and sorrow.

I feel I am called to go deeper and learn more.

"A father of the fatherless,

 a defender of widows, 

Is God in His holy habitation."

Psalm 68:5

I love this!

God is now my defender.

❤️