my favorite teenagers

My backyard was covered with leaves and pine straw. 

It hadn't been raked in forever. 

So, I casually asked Jake and Eli if they wanted to make a little money. 

It took some pondering but they finally agreed.

Y'all, they raked and bagged the whole mess for me.

They worked all afternoon.

I rewarded them both with more money than I originally offered for a job well done.

There was no slacking or complaining.

Thank You so much.

Sadly the Christmas Eve storm came and covered the lawn with leaves and pine straw again,

but at least they gave me a good start.

I like to rake.

It won't be nearly the job it would have been.

I put sixteen lawn bags out for pick-up on Sunday afternoon.

Hooray for teenage grandboys!

I ❤️ Jake and Eli!

And just this afternoon Lucy drove up in my driveway.

She had just passed her "learners test" with flying colors.

David let her drive the whole way on Southbridge to my house.

She was so excited!

I was astonished!

Now how could I have a granddaughter old enough to drive?

By the way,

she is wearing her Pooh t-shirt that I gave her for her birthday and her granddaddy's dog tags.

I ❤️ Lucy!

These teenagers are great!

They keep me happy and smiling.

😊

 

cathy's folly

I just woke up from a long winter's nap.

Starting the day before Christmas, my body began to shout at me...

"No more!"

Previously, I had worked like crazy to get ready for the festivites,

waking before 4 AM every morning and working like a machine until late in the evening. 

Decorating, shopping, wrapping gifts, shopping for food, cooking it...

on and on I went.

When Amanda and I had a knock-down-drag-out girl fight on Christmas Eve

 over something as frivolous as a name on a gift,

I knew I was finished.

I was no longer able to think rationally.

I realized then that I had done myself in just before the big day.

I don't know what I was trying to prove.

Bubba's death changed everything.

The one who helped me is no longer here.

I tried to do what I'd always done and I did.

But, when Christmas arrived, 

I was tired and sad and lacking in good cheer.

The effects of grieving are very real.

Some people just give up,

I overcompensate.

Do too much.

Don't recognize my limitations.

I could hear Bubba telling me during that time to slow down, rest, do less,

but I ignored his quiet voice in my head.

Hopefully, as I go into the next few months,

I will be able to process these mistakes that I made.

I need to accept that life as it used to be is over.

It's time for new beginnings.

The shock of Bubba's death took its toll on me.

I will never be the same.

That's okay!

I realized yesterday that I didn't take many pictures.

Telling!

I couldn't...didn't have the strength.

It's okay.

Amanda took this one of me in my Christmas pajamas opening Lucy's precious gifts to her grammy.

It really was a beautiful day.

I am so thankful that we were all together.

I ❤️ Christmas!

(even if I did almost miss it.)

 

the day after...

At church on Christmas Eve.

These kids make everything so much better!

I am blessed to have them in my life!

Each of them come with their own unique personalities that make me happy.

They saw me through Christmas with a smile on my face and lots of joy in my heart.

Pictures of Christmas will come later.

For now, I am very tired with a full heart of precious memories bubbling in my mind.

Erika had this wooden plaque made for me to display.

It is an exert of a note that Bubba left for me many years ago.

I cherish this memory made permanently visible for me to see and be encouraged by.

I see it as a message from heaven to me from Bubba.

I know his handwriting so, so well.

I cried ~ and cried.

Good, healing tears, meshed with loving memories, of the man I will always love and cherish!

❤️

 

Merry Christmas & Thank You

I want to thank everyone who has loved me through these last ten months.

There are so many of you who have gone beyond the extra mile.

You have gotten me through so many tough days and even tougher nights.

Yes, Jesus came to this earth and changed everything.

May all of you know the peace and joy He freely bestows on those who love him.

I keep all of you who read in my prayers.

Again,

Thank you,

Cathy

❤️💚❤️💚❤️💚

 

christmas party food

Crazy amount I know but...

It's Christmas!

The steaks are for Christmas Day.

Everything else for our party tonight.

We call it our Christmas Eve Eve celebration.

We have church on Christmas Eve and then go home for a quiet evening.

Have to get ready for the big day.

I hope all of you are filled with lots of merry & bright!

Me with Santa at two years old. 

Very skeptical.

Little did I know!

The porcelain Santa belonged to my Mom.

Her favorite!

🎅

 

love, mom

I put my presents under the tree early this morning.

I couldn't help but notice that the gift tags just say Love, Mom or Love, Grammy.

Will I make it through Christmas?

Everything is a reminder that Bubba is not here.

Amanda and Mark and Jake and Eli will be arriving soon.

They make everything better!

So thankful for our family.

Missing him!

😢

I'm going to be looking for the Star of Bethlehem this evening.

⭐

I saw it!

What a magnificent sight!

 

this song...

A friend sent me this song yesterday.

It made me cry and rejoice.

My sister e-mailed an article, Singing in the Dark, by Tim Challis, 

who recently buried his first-born son.

Following is a quote from that article.

"One of the strange realities of grieving as a Christian 

is the co-existence of heights of joy alongside depths of sorrow."

That one sentence expresses my heart right now in a profound way...

The depth of sorrow ~ the passing of my husband,

is eclipsed by the height of joy at having a personal relationship with Jesus Christ.

Jesus fills me with such unexplainable joy and infuses me with thanksgiving and praise.

@unexpected beauty

❤️ 

unexpected beauty

I finally finished decorating my tree.

It was a bittersweet project.

I don't know why, but almost every ornament reminded me of Bubba.

Those pangs of grief were almost constant and I asked myself a couple of times,

"Cathy, why are you doing this?"

Christmas has always made me wild with excitement.

My Mom and Dad instilled it in me at a very young age.

I still believed in Santa Claus when I was eleven or twelve.

Christmas is magic!

When you grow up and have children you make the magic happen.

Bubba loved it too.

Christmas isn't going to be the same this year,

but I wanted to make our home festive and glowing with candlelight.

I want to see the happy faces of our children and grandchildren gathered around.

I want to bask in the light of their love.

Bubba would want me to be happy.

I know that without a doubt.

I just received a note from a very special friend who writes beautiful stories.

This is what she shared...

"I've been thinking of you and hoping your holidays 

can be beautiful in unexpected ways."

I'm savoring these words!

I'll surely be looking for the unexpected beauty that is found in the quiet places of my heart

 as I remember past Christmases with my sweet husband and friend, 

the Christmases I was blessed to have him with me.

I will be also be looking for beauty this Christmas in the presence of the family we made together.

God makes beauty happen everywhere!

In spite of the sadness, I am able to rejoice mightily in the birth of Jesus.

Jesus is the reason I have JOY in all circumstances.

Jesus has given life by His death.

Bubba is with Jesus!

"He has passed from death into life."

One day we will all be together celebrating in heaven.

Even so, Come, Lord Jesus!"

 

God's precious word

Literally, I couldn't have made it through the last nine-plus months since Bubba died without it.

On those mornings when I just can't sleep anymore,

when I wake up too early with my minding racing,

I run to it.

There is nothing else that can soothe my soul,

lift my spirit,

stop my tears,

comfort my broken heart,

give me hope to keep going,

inspire me,

love me.

Yes, in His word God shows His love for me in so many different ways.

I depend on it now to get through another day, 

another minute,

the next second. 

God's word IS a miracle.

It is full of promises and truth.

I cannot imagine living in this evil world without it.

Great & Glorius!

Yes!

Thank You, God, for preserving and providing it for such a time as this.

Cling to God's word.

Think of it as your most prized possession.

Read it!

Study it!

Meditate in it.

It will change your life!

David said this in his sermon yesterday...

"All scripture can be understood."

"Scripture is very clear."

Ask God to open your mind and heart to what He has written to you in His book.

He is just waiting for you to seek Him.

He will reveal all of the riches of His glory to you.

You will be astonished!

❤️

 

happy faces

She's taller than her Gram now.

She just turned 15.

My goodness, how did that happen so quickly?

She can fix anything.

She makes me laugh out loud.

She is smart, funny, and beautiful inside and out.

She wears her granddaddy's official dog tags everywhere.

I ❤️ my Lu Blu!

This photo!

I love them!

They make me happy!

Gifts from God, all of them!

Happy Birthday Lucy!

🎂

 

Christmas tree saga

I waited too late to buy my Christmas tree this year. 🎄

Who would have thought they would all be gone by the seventh of December?

I've been busy traveling and decided to wait to get the perfect tree until I returned home.

That was not the best plan.

Bubba and I always got our tree from Hester & Zipperer.

I would choose the biggest, tallest tree on the lot.

Bubba would shame me and bring me down a few notches for picking out something so outrageous.

I would pick out a tree just a little shorter.

He would shake his head and say.

"Okay, but it is way too big."

I would throw in a fresh wreath and gather up plenty of balsam branches for decorating the house.

Hester and Zipperer would deliver the tree the next day and set it up for us.

Best scenario ever.

🎄

This year I don't have Bubba.

This year Hester and Zipperer were completely sold out of trees.

Their lot was swept clean...

not even any pine needles were left on the ground.

I went to the van and cried.

You cry a lot when you are a widow facing your first Christmas without your love.

😢

I had already planned to meet up with Erika and Harry to get a tree.

I checked several more places before we met.

Every place was sold out with no more trees arriving on a flatbed truck.

We decided to check Home Depot before giving up.

The had a few left,

but no tall ones.

They seemed fresh though, so we both purchased one,

had them loaded on the roof of our vans,

(Getting mine tied on was an event in itself)

and headed our separate ways.

Now I had to get it all the way out to Southbridge.

I could only fantasize about what I would do if it blew off.

Thankfully, me and the tree made it home safely.

You can see from the picture that it turned itself sideways.

I know you are wondering how I went about getting the tree off of the top of the van.

Erika and Walt made a special trip to hoist it down.

bring it into the house,

put it into the tree stand perfectly straight, 

filled with water, and giving off that wonderful fresh Christmas tree smell.

At this moment, 

the tree is doing its thing,

a much smaller version of trees from Christmases past,

but still beautiful and unique and waiting for my special decorating touch.

Mostly,

I am so thankful to have a tree this year.

(It almost didn't happen)

To have loving people who would go so far above and beyond to do this for me.

To know and experience God's love in action from

people that have carried me through this year of sadness.

"Cease striving and know that I am God."

Psalm 46:10

 

astonished

If you know me you know I love God's word.

I never read it that I am not astonished.

I found this nugget of gold the other day.

I am blown away.

These words were spoken by our Lord Jesus...

"Truly, truly, I say unto you,

he who hears My word, 

and believes Him who sent Me,

 has eternal life,

 and does not come into judgment,

 but has passed out of death into life."

John 5:24

Words of hope...

Bubba has passed out of death into eternal life.

He is alive.

I am astonished and encouraged and comforted by these words!

Thank you, Jesus!

Thank You Holy Spirit of God for opening my heart to the truth of Your word.

❤️

Death is but a passage into life.

My spirit soars in praise!

Christmas disney

I am just home from a whirlwind trip to Disney World with my family.

Even though we had to wear masks while we were there,

(I got chastised several times for forgetting to put mine on)

we managed to have an absolutely marvelous time.

😷

The highlight of the trip for me was seeing Cinderella's castle all lit up for Christmas.

Just as darkness came down this beauty appeared miraculously before us.

What a marvel of wonders!

🏰

The best thing about Disney is seeing the joy on the children's faces.

I rode rides with all seven of them individually.

And,

I walked at least ten miles up and down and around the park.

I have put my suitcases away for the time being.

I wonder where my next adventure will take me?

I ❤️ Disney!

Always have!

 

a magical week at the beach

Beautiful sight.

Harry climbing the tree at the Harbor Town playground.

I made some homemade guacamole.

David grilling on hamburger night.

Grammy and Walt walking on the beach.

Amanda and Mark riding bikes on the beach.

Boys in the hot tub.

Of course, there was a puzzle put together.

As usual, when all was said and done, there was one piece missing.

There is always that one guy doing his own thing while everybody else conforms.

I find this especially true when I'm trying to take a picture of all of the grandkids.

This big palm tree trunk had washed ashore right by the walkway to our house.

Our new sandcastle making kit worked perfectly!

This was a magical, sunkissed, blessed of the Lord week at the beach.

I have to agree with the sign below that I found in the beach house.

↓↓↓↓↓

At least for a little while!

❤️

wild beach hair and other things

Walt and Grammy heading to the beach.

I achieved my wild beach hair by spraying saltwater on it after my early morning shower.

Obviously, that stuff worked amazingly well!

Harry and Walt got right to their work,

Digging and testing out the new sandcastle apparatus.

It worked extremely well.

Our dragonfly kite made an appearance.

Archie got him up and he put on quite a display.

Walt got caught up in dragonfly's multiple tails.

Our beach house,

Mark making waffles for breakfast,

David cooking up the meats.

Feeding twelve people waffles was quite the task, 

but well worth all of the effort.

This happened three times during the week.

My view while sitting on the beach every morning.

It soothed my soul, quieted my heart, gave me hope for the future.

This getaway was just what I needed at just the right time.

The kids buried Gus in the sand.

He loved it!

Eli and Archie threw buckets of seawater at each other.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I've been hanging out in Psalm 37 for the past four days...

just reading it over and over.

It is so rich and full of good truth to think about.

Maybe you would like to read it too,

I ❤️ these verses...

"Dwell in the land and cultivate faithfulness.

Delight yourself in the Lord,

and He will give you the desires of your heart.

Commit your way to the Lord.

Trust also in him and he will do it."

Psalm 37: 3~5