"spread over everything"

In the quote above I substitute his for her.

Usually, I write about Bubba on the 29th of the month

 because that was the day he went to be with Jesus,

but this popped up this morning,

 and I am going through a hard time,

 so I'm writing about grief today instead.

"His absence is like the sky, spread over everything."

Still. after all these months, I struggle with grief.

Bubba was a huge presence.

He had a large personality.

He took care of me.

He loved me unconditionally.

His life covered mine.

I depended on him.

I'm sure it's why I live afraid.

My cover was removed.

I fight the fear.

But, it never completely goes away.

I'm learning to depend on Jesus.

This widowhood was His will for me from eternity past.

There are things I still need to learn before I'm fit for heaven.

He knows what I need and provides for me in ways I sometimes cannot fathom.

Maybe it's the fear that He wants to help me conquer.

Whatever it is,

I look forward to heaven because there won't be any more sin.

Fear is sin...not trusting God.

I hate my sin.