8

Today marks eight months since Bubba left me.

It was a Saturday,

about 2:30 in the afternoon,

the same time it is now as I write.

It is raining.

I like to write when it rains, 

when I can hear the sound of the raindrops hitting the ground outside my window.

You who read have followed my journey here.

I have poured out my heart.

My innermost thoughts have been recorded.

I won't even let myself go back and read my words...

too intimate, painful.

They will comfort me later I hope, but not right now.

When someone snaps a photo, I see grief etched on my face.

There is a drooping, a sadness, even when I smile.

For the last few weeks, I have been in real, physical, tangible pain.

My heart sometimes races.

I feel tired but cannot drift off to sleep.

I think, honestly,

 that Bubba's death and all its ramifications is finally hitting me. 

It really happened, he is gone. I am left behind.

This was God's plan, His will for Bubba and for me.

I don't for a minute doubt that truth.

God has not forsaken me, not for a single second.

"His divine power has granted to me everything I need for life and godliness."

I trust Him completely.

I found this little daisy in what's left of my garden last week.

It was standing tall, all alone.

It made me happy and was a reminder that "beauty comes out of the ashes."

I stay in God's word.

I'm holding tight to His right hand.

 It's what gets me from day to day.

I am looking forward to forever.

It's coming you know!

just cathy

⚘