Jake ~ my oldest grandson

He'll be 18 in May,

a senior in high school in the Fall.

He is running track this year.

He will only wear red running shoes.

It's a good luck thing I think.

He likes quirky socks.

Amanda and Jake were waiting on Eli to finish at the gym.

They decided to walk over to the beach to wait.

This was the view they happened upon.

I call it living in paradise.

Jake is kind and thoughtful.

He loves his people.

He will get his driver's license in a few weeks.

He adores hanging out with his friends.

He always wears a Fedora.

He is a neat freak.

Deep down I know that Spiderman is still his favorite.

His favorite foods are still pizza and chicken fingers and fries.

I wish his granddaddy could see him now.

Bubba poured a lot of love and time into his grandchildren.

I 💙 Jake!

"Grandchildren are the crown of old age."

Proverbs 17:6

 

Even so Lord Jesus, Come

"In those days there was no king in Israel;

Everyone did what was right in his own eyes."

Judges 21:25

O Lord Jesus,

We have no godly ruler.

Your Word is ignored.

Your name is never mentioned.

We are overwhelmed with evil and debauchery, death and destruction.

Everyone does what is right in their own eyes.

Please come and reign over us.

You are our King.

We are waiting for Your righteous rule.

I know you are coming back,

just don't know when.

Until then Lord, 

have mercy on us, and may Your will be done.

Amen

💗

 

new license

I had to get a new driver's license.

This one was not expired.

I needed to get one that had my new address.

Over a year ago I got stopped by the police for not stopping at a stop sign.

He also warned me to update my license.

I waited a whole year to do that.

I hated to see this one go.

It is the only driver's license picture of myself that looked halfway decent.

The nice lady who issued my new license said I could take it home with me as a souvenir.

A quick update on my lizard story.

I never saw him again.

I opened the van door.

He did not jump out at me.

I did take the broom with me just in case.

I drove safely to the church and home again with no further sightings.

My fear of lizards is irrational I know, but it is real.

Just had a magnificent storm roll through.

The rain is coming down washing all the pollen away.

We needed that badly.

 

my dream vase

Yesterday,

 I sat here at my desk and wrote a whole long blog that I had second thoughts about posting.

This was the picture I used with that post.

Of all that I shared yesterday, this vase is the only thing that I will keep.

Some things are better left unsaid.

Some things are for me alone to ponder and grapple with.

Some things are too deep to dredge out to the world.

God and me!

They are for prayer and deep meditation on the truth of God's word.

Some things I just have to accept as what He has for me to make me into who He wants me to be.

My fears and anxieties are very real 

but maybe I shouldn't try to make my people understand.

So, the vase.

I love ribbons and bows and ruffles.

I love fresh-cut flowers.

To be able to put beautiful blooms into a vase with a bow is a dream.

Amanda knows the lady who makes these vases.

If I should ever get to own one I would be so happy.

She's checking on it for me.

After church today we dined at Panera.

When I pulled out of my parking space I saw this little guy staring at me.

Lizards are one of my worst nightmares.

These thoughts were tumbling around in my brain... 

"What should I do?"

"Should I call David?"

"What if there is some way he (the lizard) can get inside the van?"

"How am I going to get out of the van when I get home?"

"Why did God make lizards anyway?"

When I got home,

I climbed over the console to the other side.

Even though he (the lizard) had disappeared

 I figured my chances of not encountering him face-to-face were better this way.

I got out safely and thanked God for that.

Now here is my dilemma.

I'm going back to church at 5.

It's our monthly read through the Bible in a year meeting.

I don't know where he (the lizard) went.

Did he blow off the van?

Did he somehow get inside the van?

Is he ensconced under the windshield wipers destined to emerge and stare at me again?

What if I open the door and he jumps on me?

Should I do the whole climb over the console thing again?

Amanda said that was dangerous and what must the neighbors think?

I've got a little time before I have to leave.

🦎👀😬

It's 4:45.

I'm heading back to church.

I'm gonna be brave.

 

good news

Five years ago today I was walking out of the cancer treatment center.

I had completed my course of radiation.

I went home to start the long, long road to recovery.

It was the absolute worst experience I had ever had to endure.

My skin was burned raw,

I couldn't eat, sleep, or rest.

My brain was fried.

Radiation destroys the bad cells of cancer.

It also destroys everything good.

This afternoon I walked out of my doctor's office a free woman.

After five years cancer free one is considered cured.

My doctor and I had huge smiles on our faces.

He has taken such good care of me.

I am overjoyed to have made it to this day.

I know Who healed me.

God is the Great Physician.

Without His mercy,

 I would not have been standing in St. Thomas a couple of weeks ago.

Thank You, God, for this good news!

David and the boys and I are going to the Olive Garden tonight to celebrate.

Erika and Lucy are out of town looking at colleges.

Hooray!

☆*⭐⋆✴⛤⭒

 

"Eat Mor Chikin"

Harry, my 15-year-old grandson, is working at Chick Fil A.

He is the fourth in the Cleland family to start their careers there.

David and Amanda both worked at the CFA Dwarf House

in Fayetteville, Georgia.

Lucy started working at CFA here in Savannah about a year ago.

Now Harry is there making my milkshakes and learning all about getting great food to the customers.

We love Chick Fil A.

It is closed on Sunday.

The managers help the kids work around their school schedules.

Employees are required to be polite and helpful.

They pay well.

All in all a great place to work.

"My Pleasure"

"And whatever you do, do it heartily unto the Lord."

Colossians 3:23

 

light in the house

The picture was taken this morning in the sunroom.

It's my favorite room in the house.

Spring has officially arrived but it is cold.

I like the mixture of 

bright sun,

longer days,

and chilly air.

I know those hot days will be here soon.

Enjoying!

Another view.

Sun streaming in.

I caught this light display last evening 

looking into my bathroom.

Another view of my bathroom.

There is a long, high window in my shower.

Every afternoon the light pours in.

Is anyone else obsessed with how light comes into your home?

It stops me in my tracks every time

and I run for my camera.

Jesus is the light of the world.

🌞

 

the "pop"

We were going to Sea World and Aquadica for Spring Break.

Going to meet up with the Hollingsworth family.

Two days of fun, fellowship, and food.

Leaving last Thursday morning.

Coming home on Saturday.

Everyone was packed,

excited to go,

At approximately 5:30 on Thursday morning.

I received this text from David.

" Mom, I think we're going to have to change our plans."

The night before he decided to take a picture of himself jumping over his camera.

It didn't go well.

He jumped.

He heard a loud pop,

He felt excruciating pain in his knee.

He couldn't walk.

He spent Thursday, 

instead of driving us all to Orlando,

trying to find an orthopedist who would take his insurance.

The best he could do was get an appointment for two o'clock tomorrow.

We are all waiting for a diagnosis.

Hopefully,

it will be a good one.

He is better.

He preached today.

He even told the congregation about the crazy way he injured himself.

All that to say,

We didn't have much of a Spring Breaak.

So, I took the kids to Defy,

the trampoline fun park here in Savannah.

They had a ball.

Afterwards,

I took them to CiCi's pizza.

It's our place...

me and the kids.

We have our own table that we sit at everytime we go.

They know I love root beer and Hawaiian pizza, and apple cinnamon dessert pizza.

I let them eat as much as they want.

All of their food dreams come true right there.

They 💗 it!

*picture taken at Defy.

My little angel grandkiddos.

 

observations around the outside of my house

Wild wisteria growing in the forest behind my home.

A wild azalea.

Messy but still beautiful.

I like the combination!

A closeup of the wild and beautiful azalea.

I lost all of Bubba's geraniums in the Christmas freeze of 2022.

This one has come back.

It's a miracle.

I know, I need to weed, but I saw my first lizard by this planter just now.

Oh please!

Not you guys already.

The hydrangea that David and Erika gave me for my housewarming has come back too.

Two out of four is not bad.

I thought for sure I had lost all of them.

I took the tank for a carwash this morning.

There was so much pollen I could barely see out of the windows.

I think it looks pretty good to be 10 years old.

A friend at church said that it is definitely not the right time to buy a car.

I have put off my search.

She has been faithful and true.

We will drive on together looking for the pot at the end of the rainbow.

Lastly,

Here is the mess across the road from my driveway.

This house has been being built forever.

I feel sorry for the people who are "under contract."

They have to be losing patience.

"Why are you so fearful?

How is it that you have no faith?

Where is your faith?"

John

Son of Thunder

Ellen Gunderson Traylor

An absolutely amazing book!

 

seeing ordinary things as miracles

The sun.

The greening of the earth again.

A dolphin at play.

The ocean.

Day to night ~ night to day.

Rain.

Flowers blooming.

The moon and stars in the sky.

A newborn baby.

Fire

Sand on the seashore.

Snow.

Blue skies filled with puffy white clouds.

A rainbow.

Love given ~ love received.

Eternal life.

Jesus!

None of these things are ordinary.

They are miracles.

May we never mistake miracles for ordinary things.

 

but cathy, what about the fear?

After recently writing about my three years of widowhood,

I will speak a word about my battle with fear and anxiety.

I have panic attacks.

What started out as extreme anxiety morphed into panic attacks.

They started last summer at the dentist's office.

I won't elaborate,

but I thought for sure I was going to die.

They come on suddenly.

unexpectedly.

I am learning how to manage them.

I never resorted to medicine.

Deep breaths help a lot.

The attacks subside for a bit but they always return...

maybe in hours, 

sometimes in days, 

but for now, 

they always come back.

They are better today than when they started.

I can live a normal life.

Most people would never guess that I struggle with this.

I believe that God's Word has the answers to all of our problems.

This verse miraculously opened my eyes to a profound truth.

I have set it before me to meditate on each day.

"For God has not given us a spirit of fear, 

but of power, love, and self-control."

James 1:7

If this spirit of fear that dwells within me is not from God,

then where does it come from?

It must come from my enemy Satan.

Satan is a deceiver and he wants to steal my joy.

Fear definitely steals joy.

What has God given me?

He has given me love.

Love for Him and His word and for others.

God has given me power.

The power of His Spirit in the working of His word in my heart.

He enables me to recognize the work of Satan and to run to Jesus for help.

God has given me self-control.

I can say no to fear.

I can train my mind to not be afraid by staying in His Word.

I can offer up prayers of thanksgiving and praise.

I can serve others.

I can choose to be happy and joyful.

I can live life to the fullest while carrying this fear like a heavy load.

I consider fear to be my besetting sin.

It is not trusting God.

It is unbelief.

I can choose not to sin in this way.

I can choose to trust God.

I can choose to believe His word and obey.

I can choose to "be anxious for nothing."

How can I do this?

I always think about this...

When we finally get to heaven the burden of sin will be lifted.

Can you just imagine how that will feel?

I cherish the thought.

As I'm reading through my Bible this year, 

I am constantly amazed at how many times we are admonished to Fear Not.

It must be a really important admonition.

I'm working on being obedient to this command.

*This was a hard post to write.

I've edited it many times.

i'm a daisy kinda girl but i love roses too

I was gonna write this afternoon but I'm cooking instead.

Love,

Cathy

🌼

 

women of hope and their daughters

Last Saturday,

 we had a brunch honoring three women in our church who are expecting babies.

They are sitting in the middle of the picture.

It was a cause for celebration.

Life is so precious.

These ladies mean so much to me.

They are my sisters in Christ.

Together we love, serve, and encourage one another

I have watched most of their daughters grow from infancy.

Church family.

What joy they bring.

I am so thankful for each one of these people.

💗

 

three years ~ 2022

How can it have been 3 years since Bubba left me?

In some ways, it seems like his passing happened just a little while ago. 

In other ways,  it feels like I have been alone for a long, long time.

As I have been thinking about these last 3 years,

I realize that a lot has happened.

But there have also been some long, lonely days,

some even longer evenings and nights.

But God has been so gracious to me.

Amazingly I have lived in my new home for over a year.

I moved in on February 4, 2022.

What a blessing living here has been.

The location is perfect.

The house is so easy to keep, so comfortable.

I have been able to decorate to my heart's content.

I feel safe.

Moving here was the right thing to do.

Thank you to all of my family for encouraging me to make this decision.

Now I start year 4 without my stabilizer.

He balanced me.

He was practical to my whimsical.

He was calmness to my going half crazy with excitement

He kept me in line.

He watched out for me.

He had my back.

He met all my needs and most of my desires.

Two things...

There are STILL so many things I want to tell him...

I STILL reach out to make sure he's in the bed at night.

He's never there but I still reach out.

God, thank You, for getting me through these last 3 years.

You have not failed me one minute of one of the last 1,101 days.

I love You!

Cathy

ps...I'm the same age now that Bubba was when he passed from this earth.

75

year two after Bubba ~ 2021

As I noted previously, the year 2020 remains pretty much a blur.

I think my brain went into shock mode.

I lived, breathed, and existed,

but I don't remember much.

Bubba died suddenly.

I was alone with him...

drove by myself to the hospital after the ambulance took him away.

Fast forward to just before Christmas 2020.

David and Erika, Amanda and Mark, and I were going to Pearl's for dinner.

No kids...just us.

On the way to the restaurant, we noticed a new neighborhood.

Let's go take a look said somebody.

We did and the rest is history.

God was ready for me to come out of my stupor and start to live again.

In His perfect providence, 

He set in motion a series of events

that could only have been orchestrated by Him.

By the end of January 2021,

 I had sold my house on Pinebrook Court and

signed a contract to build a new home.

By the end of February 2021,

I had (with a lot of help)

packed up everything in my house and was living with boxes everywhere.

By the end of March 2021,

I was living on the second floor of an apartment on Whitmarsh Island

 and beginning to watch my new house being built.

God woke me up out of my stupor.

He put some life in me that still needed to be lived.

I relished in that journey.

I could literally feel myself coming back to life.

The rest of 2021 consisted of watching my house on Hope Lane come to be.

I was still grieving but in a different way.

I felt God's presence inside of me again.

I knew He was working on my heart,

teaching me things,

 encouraging me,

sustaining me.

I was filled with hope for the years remaining.

I was assured that Bubba, although gone physically, 

was alive and well in heaven.

I would see him again.

He would be happy that I was starting to live again.

Peace came.

The picture above is me standing on the steps of our house on Pinebrook.

It was moving day.

The only mishap I experienced was I fell down a few stairs and broke my collarbone.

Those three months were a miracle of God's grace in my life,

My family surrounded me with love and helping hands.

My church ministered in so many ways.

I could read again.

I devoured God's Word.

I prayed.

I let my family and my church love me and continue to carry me through.

All glory to God and His Son Jesus Christ and the work of His Spirit in my life.

 

yesterday...out and about

"The flowers have already appeared in the land..."

Song of Solomon 2 : 12

On the beach in front of my condo,

I love to watch these seabirds.

Wild and free!

God has made all things lovely and to be enjoyed.

I cherish these gifts that He gives us.

Simple pleasures, His love gifts, His blessings.

Thank You, God, for all of this beauty.

💗

 

 

to be loved like this...

 

Yesterday about this time Lucy showed up at my front door with a huge basket of goodies.

She remembered that Bubba had died three years ago,

and she knew I would be sad.

The big, white flowers are Rose Lilies.

They smell divine and have perfumed my whole house.

There is a tub of milk chocolate nonpareils,

a box of Sea Salt Flatbread Crisps,

and a gift card to Chick-Fil-A which I am getting ready to use in just a few.

Lucy is a ray of sunshine.,

a day brightener,

a one of a kind special granddaughter,

a gift from God.

Love you Lu Blu!

Thank you!

💗

the first year ~ 2020

Honestly,

 I don't remember much about the year after Bubba passed from this world.

I could go back and read my writings on this blog.

All of my intense grief and sorrow are chronicled there.

For some reason though,

I don't go back.

Too painful.

This is what I do remember.

I did a lot of cooking for my family and I forced myself to read the Psalms.

After Covid, we had church on Zoom.

Every Sunday morning the Cleland crew and I met at my house

to worship and hear God's Word via the internet.

Afterward, 

we would gather at the big table to eat all of the food I had prepared the day before.

It was a blessed day always.

After a while,

 I took to reading the Psalms over and over.

They became my spiritual food,

a healing balm for my broken heart,

and refreshment for my stymied mind.

I started out slowly, one at a time. 

Sometimes I didn't make it through a whole Psalm,

but I persevered.

This morning I was reading Psalm 34.

I first noticed that I had written "Favorite" at the top.

Then I got to verse 4.

It was circled.

"I sought the Lord and He answered me,

And delivered me from all my fears."

Then I noticed what I had written next to the verse...

"Working on this in 2020."

Then I read on...

Verse 18

"The Lord is near to the brokenhearted,

and saves those that are crushed in spirit."

I had written next to this verse,,,

" Death ~  Sorrow ~ Comfort."

In my despair that first year as I faithfully read His word,

He spoke to me. 

Not just in these two verses but all throughout the Psalms.

I am glad that I write in my Bible.

I can look back and see how God was speaking to me then.

Gently bringing me through the hardest thing I have ever had to bear.

Teaching me to trust Him.

Letting me know I was not alone.

He was right there by my side the whole way through that first year of grief.

2020

to be continued...