the first year ~ 2020

Honestly,

 I don't remember much about the year after Bubba passed from this world.

I could go back and read my writings on this blog.

All of my intense grief and sorrow are chronicled there.

For some reason though,

I don't go back.

Too painful.

This is what I do remember.

I did a lot of cooking for my family and I forced myself to read the Psalms.

After Covid, we had church on Zoom.

Every Sunday morning the Cleland crew and I met at my house

to worship and hear God's Word via the internet.

Afterward, 

we would gather at the big table to eat all of the food I had prepared the day before.

It was a blessed day always.

After a while,

 I took to reading the Psalms over and over.

They became my spiritual food,

a healing balm for my broken heart,

and refreshment for my stymied mind.

I started out slowly, one at a time. 

Sometimes I didn't make it through a whole Psalm,

but I persevered.

This morning I was reading Psalm 34.

I first noticed that I had written "Favorite" at the top.

Then I got to verse 4.

It was circled.

"I sought the Lord and He answered me,

And delivered me from all my fears."

Then I noticed what I had written next to the verse...

"Working on this in 2020."

Then I read on...

Verse 18

"The Lord is near to the brokenhearted,

and saves those that are crushed in spirit."

I had written next to this verse,,,

" Death ~  Sorrow ~ Comfort."

In my despair that first year as I faithfully read His word,

He spoke to me. 

Not just in these two verses but all throughout the Psalms.

I am glad that I write in my Bible.

I can look back and see how God was speaking to me then.

Gently bringing me through the hardest thing I have ever had to bear.

Teaching me to trust Him.

Letting me know I was not alone.

He was right there by my side the whole way through that first year of grief.

2020

to be continued...