but cathy, what about the fear?

After recently writing about my three years of widowhood,

I will speak a word about my battle with fear and anxiety.

I have panic attacks.

What started out as extreme anxiety morphed into panic attacks.

They started last summer at the dentist's office.

I won't elaborate,

but I thought for sure I was going to die.

They come on suddenly.

unexpectedly.

I am learning how to manage them.

I never resorted to medicine.

Deep breaths help a lot.

The attacks subside for a bit but they always return...

maybe in hours, 

sometimes in days, 

but for now, 

they always come back.

They are better today than when they started.

I can live a normal life.

Most people would never guess that I struggle with this.

I believe that God's Word has the answers to all of our problems.

This verse miraculously opened my eyes to a profound truth.

I have set it before me to meditate on each day.

"For God has not given us a spirit of fear, 

but of power, love, and self-control."

James 1:7

If this spirit of fear that dwells within me is not from God,

then where does it come from?

It must come from my enemy Satan.

Satan is a deceiver and he wants to steal my joy.

Fear definitely steals joy.

What has God given me?

He has given me love.

Love for Him and His word and for others.

God has given me power.

The power of His Spirit in the working of His word in my heart.

He enables me to recognize the work of Satan and to run to Jesus for help.

God has given me self-control.

I can say no to fear.

I can train my mind to not be afraid by staying in His Word.

I can offer up prayers of thanksgiving and praise.

I can serve others.

I can choose to be happy and joyful.

I can live life to the fullest while carrying this fear like a heavy load.

I consider fear to be my besetting sin.

It is not trusting God.

It is unbelief.

I can choose not to sin in this way.

I can choose to trust God.

I can choose to believe His word and obey.

I can choose to "be anxious for nothing."

How can I do this?

I always think about this...

When we finally get to heaven the burden of sin will be lifted.

Can you just imagine how that will feel?

I cherish the thought.

As I'm reading through my Bible this year, 

I am constantly amazed at how many times we are admonished to Fear Not.

It must be a really important admonition.

I'm working on being obedient to this command.

*This was a hard post to write.

I've edited it many times.