Wednesday, May 13, 2015

filling my yard with....

The deer won't touch it.

Some of you know of my journey.
After a very traumatic surgery when I was only thirty,
depression became a part of my life.
If you have experienced depression,
you know what it feels like.
If not,
there is no way.

"The iron bolt....
mysteriously fastens the door of hope 
and holds our spirits in gloomy prison."
Charles Spurgeon
Lectures to my Students

I am reading a book called 
A Stubborn Darkness
by Ed Welch.
It is the best I have ever read on the subject.

Free for a while and then plunged back into darkness
almost two years ago now,
it has been "a stubborn darkness" indeed.
At times feeling hopeless,
at times dulled,
at best putting on a happy face
working hard,
doing my duties....
I go about life as if everything is normal,
but it has not been.

One thing I do know.....
this I have learned in the abyss of depression,
there is nothing that relieves this distress except
the word of God,
the strength and power of the Holy Spirit,
and a  wise, praying husband 
who catches my tears 
and force feeds me the painful truth.

Depression is suffering,
suffering is very difficult,
but suffering is good news in a spiritual sense.

How is suffering good you may ask....
Suffering causes one to seek God as the only source of help
and to draw near to Him....
to depend on Him as our only lifeline.
If it wasn't for this suffering,
I may not have known God and His Son Jesus Christ.
Not knowing Him in a real and  personal way
IS the most tragic thing in a person's life, 
not depression.

I am slowly getting better....
coming back to life,
feeling hopeful again,
even a little excited.
I texted Bubba today and told him...
"I am feeling really good,  enjoying myself, 
I almost feel normal."
Our life is quieter now, more peaceful,
more purposeful.

I may never be healed completely,
but I'm learning how to cope.
I give all glory to God!

Thanks to all who have prayed for and loved me...

No comments: