It comes in walking on little cat's feet and then it pounces. I don't see it coming until it has completely consumed me. It is no stranger, I recognize it immediately. It's name is depression.
Before I had nothing to fight with. It would take me down into the depths of despair. It hurts physically and emotionally. The pain can be unbearable. I had prayed to be delievered from its clutches, but God didn't do it like that. He chose to keep me in it and sustain me through it.
God has been merciful to me over these last thirty years of suffering. He has very gently and ever so slowly taught me how to think about things from His perspective. It has literally taken years and lots of slides down the hill, but his truth is healing my heart.
Depression pounced on me today. I was not surprised as there are several huge things going on in our life right now. Everytime I start to despair I remember how big God is and small I am. I don't go down anymore, I've learned to look up.
I remember how he made the universe and hung all the stars, how the same power with which He spoke and created the earth and raised Jesus from the dead is available to me through His Holy Spirit to be able to overcome any thoughts of despair that may come to me.
It is God's Word that makes the difference. I stay in it because it keeps me sane. Everything makes sense when I don't question God.....He is sovereign over all things and whatever He brings into my life is for my good and His glory. My lifelong battle with depression has been a good thing. It has taught me to seek God.
I cried with Aunt Dottie today when she asked me to pray that God would take her. It is hard to see these loved ones at the end of life so miserable, but I can't pray that prayer. All of their days have been numbered by our loving God and I know that as long as they have breath God has a purpose for them being here....and it could very well be unto salvation.
I will pray that God will give them grace tonight and mercy, that He will watch over our loved ones and keep them safe and fill them with His peace and rest. God call them unto Yourself if their souls are not yet Yours. May they rest well with a quiet assurance of Your blessed salvation and be ready to meet You on that glorius day when You call them home!
Philippians 4:8
"Finally, brethren, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is of good repute, if there is any excellence, and if anything worthy of praise, let your mind dwell on these things." (the remedy)
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